No Strings Attached for Friends with Benefits

Have you heard of that new movie where two friends decide to sleep with each other and have strictly physical relationship but things get complicated when they begin to develop feelings for each other?  What's that movie called again?  You know, the movie staring that pretty brunette actress that was just in "Black Swan" and that funny but cute guy who used to be on a TV show?

Oh that's right, it's "No Strings Attached" staring Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher.  No wait, that can't be right, the movie is called "Friends With Benefits" staring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake.  Wait...that can't be right...it's both of these movies?

Now, I actually haven't watched either of these movies yet, but judging by trailers they have the same exact premise and Hollywood is officially out of new ideas.  See for yourself:

No Strings Attached Trailer:


Friends With Benefits Trailer:


Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman are two of my favorite actresses and I think they're both some of the prettiest girls in Hollywood, but didn't they talk to each other at some point while filming Black Swan and realize both of their next movies were exactly the same?  The movie executives should have just filmed both of these movies at once while both ladies were on the set of the Black Swan.  If Hollywood isn't going to come up with any original ideas, shouldn't they at least find ways to cut costs after all?

Spedi Staged Easter Photo Shoot

So I was going to throw in the towel about blogging about Spencer and Heidi (because all they want is people to talk about them- proven by the fact that I caught Spencer googling himself and coming to my blog). But Spedie (also known as Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag) continue to be so obscenely revolting to me, that I cannot help but blog about them.

Take these latest pictures of them "celebrating Easter." I love my fiance, but never in a million years would either of us dress up like rabbits, and skip around in public carrying an easter basket, stuffed animal, and a small child who is too young to know what's happening and run away. Apparently, this little girl is Spencer's niece, but I would still not take my niece or nephew out in public looking like that. And where is this girl's mother? No matter how closely I'm related to Spencer, I would not leave my child alone with them to capitalize on her for a photo shoot.

Here is the little girl, with the jack-asses....I mean jack-rabbits:

Because I find Spedi to be so awful, I am not going to post all of their pics from their latest attempt to look casual when actually they pose every move, but please be assured that Heidi uses this same open mouth smile in every photo.

No, this picture isn't posed at all. My fiance also typically carries me around the park wearing bunny ears, while I smile and carry and easter basket and stuffed bunny. Totally normal. I see this in parks everyday.


And finally, I post this last picture only because Heidi's face looks so funky. Did she have more work done? She has admitted to the boob job & nose job, but her face is looking noticeably more plastic. Maybe she is going for the Barbie look? The plastic, media hungry, self-absorbed, brainwashed, Barbie look:

Seriously, I don't know what is happening to her face, but it is not normal.

Katie Holmes Runs NY Marathon, Escape Planned?

Katie Holmes finished the New York Marathon on Sunday in 5:29:28. That seems like last possible activity I'd like to do for 5 and a half hours. Which leads me to think, why would anyone want to spend all day running....unless you were training for something else....like running like the wind to escape your weirdo scientoligist, couch jumping husband?? Hahaha! Maybe the poor girl is looking for anyway out she can! Unfortunatly, Tom Cruise knew better and had his mother there to capture Katie if she tried to stray from the marathon route, and you know...go to Mexico!

Save The Dying Bees

I've always thought of bees as being mean scary little creatures, but I'm quickly finding out this isn't the case. I didn't know it, but a third of all the food we eat is dependent upon bees. Unfortunately, there is a disease called Colony Collapse Disorder which is mysteriously causing honey bees to die. This phenomenon is still a mystery to scientists as they do not know the causes of their disappearance. Bees are very important to the ecosystem as plants, vegetables, and fruits depend on them for pollination.

Burt's Bees is sponsoring a campaign to save the honeybees and is even offering free seeds to plant and attract bees. Check out this video to learn more about the bee crisis and read how everyone can help save honey bees:

Celebrities Dressed For Halloween

Happy Halloween!

One of my favorite parts of Halloween is the tv shows that do special Halloween episodes. Unfortunately, there weren't too many sitcoms that did Halloween specials this year, but talk shows ran a lot of Halloween specials.

Live with Regis and Kelly did a Halloween special with a few costume changes:

Here's Regis and Kelly dressed like the kids from High School Musical and with a Britney Spears impersonator who did a rendition of Britney's infamous lethargic MTV performance:


Then it was time for a costume change and Regis and Kelly dressed as Harry Potter characters:


Ellen Degeneres also got into the Halloween spirit by dressing as a "not" pregnant Jennifer Lopez. Come on J. Lo, we all know you're pregnant.



On the Martha Stewart, Rosie O'Donnell guest starred and wore this royal costume:


The Today Show also dressed for Halloween with a Munsters theme. Matt Lauer dressed as Herman Munster, Meredith Vierra dressed as Lilly Munster, and Al Roker was Grandpa.






Although it wasn't on tv, my favorite "celebrity"(I used that term loosly!) Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag dressed for Halloween also.


Spencer Pratt dressed as spiderman and Heidi Montag had a mermaid costume for Halloween 2007.

What Does Spencer Pratt Do?

Spencer Pratt diggs himself.....literally!!


Does Spencer Pratt have a job? I don't think so because I have solid proof that Spencer sits around and looks himself up on the internet all day!

(Spencer Pratt enjoys a leisurly life)

Through some careful detective work and the magic of Google Analytics, I have discovered that Spencer Pratt, "star" of the MTV show The Hills, has read this very blog and my blog post about how I think he's the devil and needs better hair! It seems as though Spencer has actually been Googleing himself with the keywords "Spencer Pratt is ugly" or "Spencer Pratt ugly" and found my blog. Not only did he find my blog, but he also dugg my blogpost about him on digg.com! Twice I believe!

It looks like Spencer signed up for Digg with the super clever username of SpencerPratt, and dugg my blogpost as well as any other article he could find about himself or girlfriend Heidi Montag. Then, I believe he dugg my blog story about him AGAIN with the username InnovatorMedia, which is the name of the company he claims to be CEO of. I seriously doubt the legitimacy of his CEO status if he is spending all day on Digg looking for articles about him and Heidi and searching Google with negative keywords about himself. However, there is a larger question: Is Spencer Pratt so desperate for attention and to be in the media that he will actually promote negative stories about himself and Heidi, just so he can stay in the media?

There is only one way to find out, I will have to ask Spencer myself. So Spencer, since I know you will be back here the next time you Google yourself, please answer the following questions:

-Are you promoting negative stories about yourself because your trust fund about to run out and you need to stay "popular" to make sure you can make money by being on cheesy MTV shows and selling your story to People Magazine?

-What is up with the facial hair? Seriously. You can't possibly think that looks good.

-Why did you spread rumors about Lauren Conrad and her ex-bf?

-Why are you such a little girl when Heidi has to work and can't go out to dinner with you?

-Will you actually get a job once the media stops caring about you?

-And what's up with this:

Spencer Pratt Is Ugly And The Devil

So I have a guilty pleasure I must admit to....The Hills. I can't help it. Even though they give away the entire plot of each episode in the commercial for the episode, I'm still suckered into watching. That new show, Newport Beach, is a different story though- it's absolutely horrible. The kids are annoying and I feel wayyyy too old to be watching high school kids talking about the prom. But the Hills, hooks me. Mostly, I enjoy hating Spencer Pratt. He's just so evil and manipulative and I definitely think he was the one who spread the Lauren/Jason rumors. Anyway, Spencer was never good looking to begin with. Check out his skinny pale unattractive beach stroll with a too disproportionate Heidi (I don't like her either):



However, I guess Spencer didn't think his ugly head hair was enough, so he decided to grow hideous facial hair too:



Does he or Heidi seriously think the facial hair looks good?



Now that I think about it, the ugly facial hair does kinda match his personality:

Rockies Phillies Game 2 Division Playoff Recap

I went to the second game of the Phillies / Rockies (BOOOO!) division playoffs last night. Although they suffered a heartbreaking loss, I was still very happy to be at the game. It was awesome to see 45,991 people (the biggest crowd ever at a Citizens Bank Park game) swinging their rally towels and cheering on the Phillies. I sat in right field and was looking forward to sitting in Victorino's part of the ballpark, but was disappointed when Werth started in his place. Victorino didn't get in the game until the 7th inning when he hit a single and then stole second. I got Shane scoring a single on video:

Rollins then batted him in and Victorino scored a run:

He's so fast, he's one of my favorite Phillies.

I still have hope that the Phillies can come back from these two losses. Stranger things have happened (Red Sox/Yankees 2004; Yankees/A's 2001). Plus, I think Colorodo is a bunch of cheaters. Besides the "winning" run, which wasn't really a run at all, which Holliday scored in their last game against the Padres and got them to the playoffs, I now learned about Manny Corpas. I was appalled to learn this story about Rockie's pitcher Manny Corpas pouring liquid on his jersey prior to pitching and then touching his jersey in Game 1. To make things even more suspicious, in Game 2 Rockies pitcher Franklin Morales touched his mouth while on the mound. The umpire saw him and told him to stop. In the crowd, we didn't know what was going on, but found Morales' behavior to be very suspicious...constantly grabbing at his hat and walk around the mound. It's one thing to win fair and square, but I'd hate to see what would happen to the Rockies if they were confirmed to be cheating and ever showed up in Philly again!

I still have hope that the Phils can win on Saturday. GO PHILLIES!

Phillies Win NL East - Mets Cry

The Phillies are in the playoffs for the first time since 1993! The Phil's Sunday win earned their spot in the playoffs as NL East Champions! Of course, celebration surrounded the win:

The phillies celebrate their win as NL East Champions:


A rally was held Monday in Philadelphia to celebrate the win:



Everyone in Philadelphia is thrilled, but the Mets mascot, Mr. Met, isn't so happy:

Aaaaargh It Be Talk Like A Pirate Day

Aaargh Matey! Today be talk like a pirate day. Ye better talk like a pirate or walk thee plank!

Aaaarrrrrgh!

Herrrre be some of me favorite pirate jokes:

-How does a pirate smuggle drugs across the border?
He hides them in his booty!

-What do you call a pirate child molestor?
ARRRRR Kelly

-What did Captain Hook die from?
Jock Itch

Here be a funny video about pirates. Harrrrrdy Harrrrr Harrrrr!


If ye want to talk like me, visit here to translate ye speak into pirate.

100 Best TV Shows Of All Time

Time Magazine recently published a list of the 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time. I agree with most of the list, disagree with part of it (Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Really? I mean I know it was popular, but is it really one of the best 100 shows EVER?), have never some of the shows, and think some of the best were left out. I don't have the attention span to write a list of 100 top shows, but here are some of the ones I think are the greatest tv shows ever. (In no particular order, except for #1 which I really think is the best show I've ever seen)

1. LOST (Suspenseful, addictive, attention grabbing, and more exciting than any other tv show I've ever seen....even any movie I've ever seen. If I was extremely rich, my dream would be to pay the show to continuously write and film episodes for me to watch at my leisure and to never end, I can't get enough)
2. I Love Lucy (I still watch it on Saturday mornings and love it. It's timeless)
3. Seinfeld (smart & funny)
4. The Simpsons (an impressive run for any tv show, especially a cartoon)
5. The Price is Right (it's always been my dream to be on the show, but now that dream is lost because it won't be the same if Bob Barker isn't hosting it)
6. Sesame Street (a worldwide favorite)
7. The Office (a different type of funny with lovable characters and great writing & acting)
8. The Brady Bunch (another classic, I never get tired of it)
9. Saturday Night Live (even though it's not funny anymore, it used to be great)
10. The Daily Show (its getting people interested in politics and the world while entertaining them
11. The Cosby Show (it will always be relevant & relatable)

Britney Spears Train Wreck Celeb Weigh-In

Britney Spears good news: She and her debacle of a VMA performance are getting more press than any other celeb in the news (no one is even talking about the reports her fellow underwear-less pal Lindsey Lohan getting caught doing cocaine- in REHAB! Maybe even supplied by her mom???)

Britney Spears bad news: She's still a trainwreck.

No one cannot stop talking about Britney and even celebs are weighing in on the train wreck. Kanye West pitys her but is mainly jealous of her attention, Simon Cowell applauds her for getting press- even bad press but tells her to get to a gym, and Fergie thinks everyone should leave her alone.

I think the general consensus is that people pity her. Which is sad, but agreeable. Somehow I see another visit to rehab in the future before anything improves.

Also, I don't think anyone should take the opinions of a man dressed like this seriously. (Maybe Kanye thinks a solar eclipse is about to occur).

Britney Spears Train Wreck Next Stop Bad-Lipsyncsville

The only thing I will say about last night's 2007 MTV Video Music Awards (besides that I felt wayyy too old to even be watching the few parts I saw), is that it has gone majorly downhill. Please witness my 2 favorite awesomely bad train wreck moments from last night's VMAs:

Britney. This video pretty much speaks for itself. Out-of-sync lip singing, lethargic dance moves, outfit that she cannot get away with any more. I must say it did inspire some wonder though, as in I wonder what she was on during the performance:

I'm having trouble admitting that this Britney is even the same person she was a few years ago. Look how cute and pretty she used to be. It's like Courtney Love took over her body or something. I'd really like to see Britney back to "normal," but she's making things pretty difficult on herself.

The other awesomely bad moment of the night goes to Miss Teen USA South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton . Really, I would love to stop talking about her, but with every public appearance she only makes herself look worse. I am proud of her because this proves that at least she can read (her robotic speech indicating that she's reading from a teleprompter). But things only get worse as even in her attempts to be funny she still looks dumb as bricks. If only she had stayed at home last night, everyone would have been talking about Britney and would have forgotten about Caitlin. But no, she had to make herself look dumb again:

Best 80s TV Shows

I started getting this new tv channel called ION. I call it the Who's The Boss channel because that's what they seem to be showing most of the time. I've also seen episodes of the Wonder Years and Designing Women but that's all I've seen them showing. It made me think of my favorite 1980s tv shows. Here they are, in no particular order:

- Who's the Boss

- Perfect Strangers (Clip below from when Larry has amnesia and can't remember Balki). Too bad they don't have this on dvd.


- ALF (which I do have on dvd!)


- Three's Company (Did you ever see that episode with the was a hilarious mixup?)

- The Cosby Show (I think this is one of the most classic scenes where Claire tells off Elvin)


- The Golden Girls


- Small Wonder

The Office Summer Vacation Video

NBC just posted this funny video on YouTube showing what the Office did during it's summer vacation:



I think Stanley is hilarious. I can't wait for the new season to start on 9/27 and the first 4 episodes will be an hour long! Plus I just found out that re-runs will be airing on TBS. Although that might grow old since they only have 3 seasons so far and the first season was really short. Regardless, I'm excited for the new season to start!

Attempts to look less stupid fail for Miss Teen South Carolina

Ann Curry and Matt Lauer went bonkers when Miss Teen South Carolina came on the Today show on Tuesday. The two high-fived and applauded the beauty queen while she used every brain cell she had to try to make herself look slightly less dumb. Lauren Caitlin Upton attempted to look less stupid by explaining her senseless answers from Friday's Miss Teen USA pageant by referring to it as an out of body experience (which she defined as "it's like I'm not in my actual body"). Caitlin went on to say that she was "in complete shock" and "overwhelmed" when she was asked that now infamous map question. Gosh, if this question threw her into shock, I'd love to see what happened when she took the SATs. Caitlin also seemed confused when asked if she found this whole situation to be funny.

She then did a re-do and re-answered the question by saying, "Well personally, my friends and I, we know exactly where the United States is on our map." Our map? No wonder, she couldn't answer the question, she has to share a map with all of her friends. Upton the continued to say that schools need to place more emphasis on geography "so people will learn to read maps better."

Well....there's always next year, Caitlin. Try to learn something while you're at Appalachian State University. Although I picture it looking a little like this...


Appalachian Emergency Room Video


Here's the actual Today Show video:




And here's what was going on in Caitlin's head during the pageant:



I heard a rumor that contestants get to hear the questions before being asked them on stage....I really hope that's not true!

You Stay Classy Philadelphia

My anonymous source has just alerted me to this story. See if you can guess what happened when a news reporter knocked on the door of a man accused of beating his 79 year old mother (a judge in Philadelphia) and he answered wearing a bathrobe:

You're a classy man, Larry Richette:

Miss Teen South Carolina's Views of the World

Every once in a while, I find gems like this video and need somewhere to post them. I realized I needed a personal blog (because I wouldn't insult monkeys by posting this on my Hilarious Monkeys blog).

Check out Miss South Carolina from the Miss Teen USA pageants. Her answers to the Q/A section of the pageant were so ridiculous that they even made Mario Lopez laugh (yes, AC Slater) and inspired me to create this blog:




US Americans?? The Iraq?? The South Africa and Asian countries??


Sadly, Miss North Carolina was not much brighter. About 3:50 into this video you can watch her explain how the biggest risk she's ever taken was going snowboarding:



I pretty sure that this was the same girl who earlier in the pageant talked about how she once went para sailing over shark infested waters because her brother tricked her into it. Sadly, I could not find a clip of that.